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Summer, Friends, Future.

Since I have been back at school I have had plenty of time to reflect on God's mercy and the things that He has been teaching me this past summer.

First thing that comes to mind was the beginning of summer. For about the first month I had the worst period of doubt that I had ever had. I have done plenty of soul searching to find out what caused the despair but I still havent figured it out and may never know. Through this Christ has taught me to be more open with where I am at and the beauty of brokenness.

Second thing. God, in His mercy has caused me to grow great love for my friends in Tri-Cities. To be honest, that hasn't been there. I have been friends with the same friends for a long time but I only regularly prayed for 1 or 2 of them. God has shown me the people I dont pray about is because I dont have a deep love for them. This is a lack of belief in the Gospel that says that God is rescuing the lost and is constantly pointing everyone to Him. So if you are reading this. I am sorry. I havent loved you well. By God's grace that has hopefully changed after this summer because of the Gospel penetrating deeper into my heart.

Thirdly and finally. My hope for the future. My time this summer was spent with abundance of laughter. And many 1 on 1 conversations about where the Gospel is pressing on peoples hearts. My hope for the future is that a seriousness would come over myself and the people around me and in Tri-Cities and as a group we would seek the Lord togethter. I will end with a conversation about this with Marc Sims about this issue with growing deep community with my friends.

Marc: hmm, maybe that is something we need to be developing better
a community of prayer

Corey: I still love alot of our humor but (john) piper was right, there is something bone chilling about when you take God serious.
Something I definitely want to work on because when things suck real bad, i hurt for a day and joke for a long time until things feel better.

Marc: yea, we need to find that good balance of humor and seriousness
all the deep things are found in the serious weighty side of things

Corey: yeah, i mean laughter doesnt become full until you know where im at and youve prayed for me
otherwise i am masking around things instead of having joy at the root of my heart

Marc: yep.

Corey: Laughter is like sex. Write that book!

Marc: Lol, preach that sermon.

Corey:God makes it to be a wonderful thing but we just use it to numb.
ie. i just made you laugh and it was a good laugh. im sharing my heart with you and then laughter is as it should be

Marc:exactly

Corey: My sense of humor is in reverse.

God is revealing this to me continually and showing me where I need to repent. To drink deeply of grace in the hard parts of my life and share the joy of His mercy then laugh because my joy is complete in Him. This is what I am praying for us. That the Gospel will become real to us. And that we would all get real and our love for one another would grow as it grows for Christ.

Affection Stirrers (Part 1)

I haven't blogged in a super long time. I figured it was about time to pick it back up.

I've been in Spokane for the past week with an abundance of alone time and I have been trying to decipher what stirs my affections for Christ and I have found interesting things.

By "affections" I simply mean inclinations of the heart or mind. What inclines me to think about and meditate on Christ. I could do the obvious "christian" things that apply to everybody but I don't feel like it. Ill name a few of them.

Prayer, Bible reading, Worship Music, Communion, Fellowship, Repentance.

The one that I have been thinking about lately that stirs my affections is....
Sad songs.

It is very strange. Something about a good sad song makes me think about Christ. I have realized that I really love two types of sad songs in particular. Type one is just good-old-fashioned sad. The type where the artist is so broken you almost feel uncomfortable listening to it. You listen to it and you think "ouch". The reason this is because by understanding the Gospel, you come to really appreciate brokenness. It is one thing that EVERYONE relates to. I listen to these songs and think of how thankful I am that I will experience this in my life but I will have a lasting joy through it.

The second type is what John Mayer would call "sad hope". The hope of redemption after love-loss. I believe that this is the human condition. This is the story of humanity. Idols fail us and we need redemption. Jesus is the ultimate redeemer and ultimately what "sad hope" is hoping for even if the person doesn't know it.

Jesus is the ultimate redemption after love-loss.

Here is an example of Type 1 and 2 that has been in my head all day long.

God's goodness

Is God good?

This is a dumb question right? Right? I feel like people are afraid to actually ask this. I feel like Christians are afraid to ask this. Why?

Are you afraid of the answer?

I’ve spent a lot of time looking at my life from the outside since I’ve started school, specifically family, and it seems as though God is either good and not in control or in control and not good. Why would God let this happen?

Jesus dies. By faith I get His goodness and He gets my badness. I get His goodness?

Is God good?

Am I going to be renewed to life, beauty, holiness, and perfection by His goodness?

Throughout life these are the questions that as Christians we will have to wrestle with. Before we wrestle. We must answer. Is God good?

We always say “yes, You are good” but then God kills Jesus.

Now we wrestle. What the heck are you doing? Are you in control?

Then we find something that makes a ton of sense (nope).

You have intentionally crushed my hope FOR my hope.

Looking back on my life when I look at all of the times I was trying to be happy, I have some regrets. Looking back at all the times that I had hard times and pain in my life, I have no regrets. (When I’m going through them I would highly disagree with this statement).

Jesus the therapist answers my questions and meets my needs as I define them. Jesus the redeemer defines my needs and meets them beyond all expectation.

God doesn’t give me what I want because if He gave them to me I wouldn’t need Him. Realizing this, I love my life and family. I don’t ever have to look at people who need some extra love shown to them and for a reason to cling to God.

If God is the only fulfillment in the universe, and He puts me in this conundrum to need to be asking Him questions and meeting with Him, does that not make Him unbelievably good? If hardship leads to joy, is it worth it?

Jesus does die. Pain does come. Trial will leave you questioning God.

Jesus does raise again victoriously. Pain is healed by the Gospel. Victory through
cross gives way to joy in the midst of the brevity of life. Because I have enough in Jesus, regardless of everything else.

“If you lack contentment, start naming all the things you don't deserve.”-Darrin Patrick

Thank you, Gungor.

I've tried to stand my ground
I've tried to understand
But I can't seem to find
My faith again

Like water on the sand
Or grasping at the wind
I keep on falling short

So please be my strength
Please be my strength
'Cause I don't have any more
I don't have any more

I'm looking for a place
Where I can plant my faith
One thing I know for sure

I cannot create it
And I cannot sustain it
It's Your love
That's keeping me

Please be my strength
Please be my strength
I don't have any more
I don't have any more

And at my final breath
I hope that I can say
I fought the good fight
Of faith

I pray your glory shines
This doubting heart of mine
And all would know that You

You are my strength
You are my strength
You and You alone
You keep bringing me back home

Oh, You are my strength
You are my strength
You and You alone
Keep bringing me back home

It's You and You alone
Bringing me back home

Sickest opening ever- Catalyst.

Thanks for your advice, Im just no afraid of heights
Like Christ wasn’t afraid to mix spit with mud, as if he couldn’t have fixed vision with one word
Im sorry. I get my creativity from my Father.
Thanks for your advice, Im just not afraid of a blank canvas.
Im not afraid to BE the canvas. Ive been marked by the Father’s hand and God don’t use erasers.
Off on purpose. But what keeps you up at night?
Budget meetings? A board of directors? Thanks for your advice.
Ive just lost my fear-of gravity. Since His Majesty came and grabbed me.
Ive often wondered, how loud does an alarm clock need to be to wake a dead man?
Maybe youre right, and I am just too creative.
I am afraid of being wrong, but if I am tell me.
I aint afraid of correction, humbly embrace lessons.
Just like you shouldn’t be afraid of city permits, and submit to the process
Cause theres not one city permit that can stop what Elohim permits.
Im so comfortable with sovereignty, so done wasting words, so tired of lying to my Father and the mirror.
That’s where I get my courage from, my spine aint naturally stainless steel.
You can have freely what Ive learned from failing miserably.
Youre scared, that you believe your own press.
That we are born eagles, walkin among chickens.
As if these agitated shoulder blades aint ever sprouted wings.
I was recently told I was too creative. And that shook me to the core.
I have no excuse for fear, I should be rollerskating around Saturn. Looking down on satellites- flying.
If you mustered up the bravery, you would get this one day, that we fooled you.
This aint a conference, this right here is a RUNWAY.
Why you aint flyin? We should go take courage

Does God want you to be effective in ministry?

If I succeed in ministry so that others notice, it is possible for me to WRONGLY take the credit. If I am not effective on this side of eternity but I am His, what does this mean?

First we must define “effective”

In this sense, I am speaking of building ministry and leading people to Christ.
This next passage is from Hebrews 11. Right after the “Hall of faith” which basically names what many people would consider God’s All Star team. Hebrews basically names off the people and then says “here is the awesome stuff they did” and then, out of nowhere….

36 Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. 37 They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated-- 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. 39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40 God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. (Hebrews 11:33-40).

From this we can draw that not all people who give everything to God have super effective ministries. If these guys led an innovation conference it would have been pretty short. “Love God, Love People, Die His.” The end.

I feel like when everyone goes into ministry they want to lead a church of a 1000+. Everyone wants to be Driscoll. I do. Just being honest. What if that’s not what God wants for me. What if that’s not what God wants for you.

God doesn’t want YOU to be effective. He wants you to be His.
If anyone is effective it is God. God builds ministry. God leads people to Jesus.

Not you or me.

Here comes the hard question. Why am I in ministry? Why are you doing with your life, what you’re doing with your life? To be effective or His?

“Why are we so convinced a bigger audience is simply common sense to have? Maybe success is measured best by nothing less than our obedience.” – Jimmy Needham.