Reflecting on a semester of school

The past four months, living in a house with 5 other guys, buying my own groceries, being responsible to only myself, going to a school learning things that I have a passion for, have been the best months ever.

I have enjoyed school immensely, mainly because of the people that have helped grow me in more ways than they know. Jesus has taught me so much about Himself during this past semester. Surprisingly not through class. I dont want this to sound arrogant but I didnt learn that much in class. I did pretty much all of my learning outside of the class. I learned so much about myself. I learned about my selfishness, my pride, the things I idolize, and my fears. My education has been from a loving God who is constantly pointing me towards my need for a savior. I learned so much about ministry and living on mission for the Gospel.

I became very turned off with the idea of theological academia. I feel like I can argue with the best of them, which I was excited for when I got to school but that almost immediately changed. I began to toy with the idea of what it would look like if I could articulate the 5 points of calvinism better than anyone in my school and that was it. What good would that be? How big-bigheaded am i? I then realized my need to do ministry outside of the church (after some repentance). Daily ministry. Knowledge puffs up and I just want to deflate. Through Jesus's grace and the help of some great friends that He has surrounded me with at Moody and Whitworth and still in the Tri-Cities I have been priviledged to be sanctified in ways that I never thought I would be.

This blog is a little scatterbrained but so am I as I reflect on this. Here are the things I want to learn in school and out of school this next semester (not in any order):

1. I want to learn how to serve more effectively and genuinely.
2. I want to learn how to be last.
3. I want to learn how to be a better listener (and not always be the first to talk)
4. I want to learn how to effectively give a Christ-centered sermon.
5. I want to want God more.
6. I want to be humbled by my sin (not really) and depend on Jesus more for His righteousness alone.

Karate Kids and Chocolate Chips

Last night myself and my housemates (Boy) Alex and Pete along with Steph, Hannah, and (Girl) Alex went camping. It was a blast! We swapped funny story after funny story about our first impressions of each other. About how no one can remember steph's name (sorry). About how every girl thought my house was full of nerds. This didnt make sense to me until I realized that when they introduced themselves to us, my house was doing karate together in the living room...

We shared past stories about what God has done in our lives and talked about some of the things we are going through. It was just sweet fellowship.

Today I had plans to read some of John with Jersey at 3. I read Philippians 1 and baked up some cookies and began to head over. On my way over I received a text from a friend who has just been laid up with trial after trial. As I was walking over to Jerseys I was stopped in my tracks. I began to think about the pain my friend has been going through lately, and the pain that I have, and my other friends have as well. I began to think of Philippians and Paul's willingness to suffer. I began to think of Psalm 73 and the psalmist saying "whom have I in heaven but you? On earth there is nothing I desire besides you." For the first time this verse became real to me. I stopped on the side of the street and worshipped.

I told God "I am willing to do whatever you want. If it means for me to suffer greatly so that others might be encouraged and see how beautiful You are...I'm down."

Jesus is beautiful. His cross is real. His grace is sufficient for you and me. If I can encourage you in any way I would tell you that your suffering is so that others can see Jesus in you and through you. Respond accordingly.

I need to remember..

"So I don't want to take the lead
Cuz I'm prone to make mistakes.
All these folks that follow me gon' end up in the wrong place.
So, just let me shadow you. And just let me trace your lines.
Matter fact just take my pen.
Here, you create my rhymes.
Cuz if I do this by myself I'm scared that I'll succeed.
And no longer trust in You, cuz I only trust in me."-Lecrae "Background"

"I enter rooms and hope they notice me
To fill my social insecurities
I'm asking if there's any hope for me
Cuz there is room for only one"-Jimmy Needham "The reason I sing"

"Whom have I in heaven but You? On earth there is nothing I desire besides You" -Psalm 73:25

Random. Random Thoughts.

Last Saturday our house went to watch UFC at the Oxford house down the street. Jersey, one of the guys who lives there, invited us because we do not have cable. At one point I had to walk a friend home and came back to Jersey sitting outside by himself smoking. Out of nowhere I said "When you gonna let me show you whats in that book I got you?" (I had given him a bible a few weeks before) He said "This weekend."

One of my best friends told me yesterday that was the coolest thing I have ever said. I would have to agree. Im thoroughly convinced that I did not have very much to do with it (Thanks God, pound it?) but nonetheless it was sweet. It feels weird to do stuff like this, stuff you read about or hear about other people doing and wishing you could do cool stuff like that. You can. God has been working big time on me since I have been here and I am just starting to notice it (because Im an idiot).

Two things that I have been feeling lately are: 1. You are going to do bigger things than you think. 2. You struggle with idolatry alot.

Spurgeon says our hearts are idol making factories. Mine feels like "Nike". Psalm 73 is the chapter I believe the least in the Bible, so Im gonna memorize it and allow Gods Word and prayer transform me.

Lunch with Jersey is on Saturday. Planning on layin down some Gospel. Could use your prayers.

A Million Miles In A Thousand Years

"A Million Miles In A Thousand Years" by Donald Miller is the best book I have ever read.

It has inspired me to make a story. Or at least ponder what I want my story to look like. Challenged to make moments memorable. How will I do this? I don't know. I could spend time hanging out with the guys from the rehab house. I could share the Gospel with them. I could ask that girl to coffee. I could mentor some middle school students. I could have more deep talks with my roomates. I could take a trip, I dont know where but just take one. Or I could continue to play out the scenarios in my mind of what those would look like along with their outcomes.

I dont know why I am prone to watch these moments pass by. Part of the book was that Satan throws every obstacle in the way to prevent you from making a good story. Fear of man is definitely my greatest opponent in story making. I trick myself into believing that its wisdom and patience. I cant discern when the wisdom and patience end and where the fear and sin begin.

Ive decided that I want to write a book. But first. I must make a story. I must search why my "writer's block" is the way that it is. Then I must write daily. On page and on lives.

Take Off Your Shoes, Stay A While

My weekend was AWESOME! Saturday I was picked up by my Aunt Kaytie and was taken to her Aunt Peggy's house to answer questions about Jesus and the Bible. I was there for 4 hours! It was wonderful! Some of the questions they asked me were:

-Who made God?
-When God says "let us make man in our image" who else is He talking to?
-How good do I need to be to get to heaven?
-How will God judge my sin?
-What makes other people's prayers more important than mine?

and there were many more. It was a great time, I told them to read Romans and let me know if they ever have anymore questions. Aunt Kaytie contacted me again today because she has a lot more questions, so we are hanging again this Saturday.

After getting back I went to Whitworth with my friend Megan to find sources for our Old Testament paper. Then the fun began. A bunch of us Moody students and Jeremy, Hol, and Lauren got dressed up and went salsa dancing downtown. It was a lot of fun! Afterwards I went to the satellite diner with Jer, Hol, and Lauren. We talked life and church and ministry, great stuff. Met back up with my Moody friends at the bowling alley and bowled until 1 am. Im still no good at it! (the picture above is of us at the bowling alley)

Today I woke up and went to Faith Bible Church. It was a great experience and had really solid teaching and worship. After coming home and eating dinner we went and did cookies again today. I met a 45 year old man named Mike who lives in the sobriety house who invited us in and told us about his faith. He explained to us that he has always seen options in his life of following God or following his desires (playing basketball, smoking weed, having sex) and he always chose his desires. Now he would like to do the opposite. I hope God shows me how I can assist him.

2 things Mike said to me that stuck out.
1. Whatever you want to be, be it today.
2. There are 3 types of people in the world.
a) People in Egypt
b) People in the wilderness
c) People in the Promise Land
Which one are you?

My advice to you, If you are "c", realize where you are at, take off your shoes, and stay a while.

A Crushing Weight

School went by really fast today which was great. Thursdays I just have Lifetime Fitness and Intro to Ministry and I'm done by 1030. It's great! Every week for Intro to Ministry we have a speaker from a local church come to talk about their church, their vision, and the service opportunities of their church.

Today while listening to the speaker I was struck with something. I could do the ministry that they were offering. The next speaker, the same thing. Its been like this every week. I came to realize that, by the grace of God, I am blessed with many talents for ministry. I began to wonder why God would give me this. Obviously, for His glory. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I will be held responsible for all of this. I am terrified.

Something to meditate on, am I using ALL of the tools God has given me for His glory?

Crap.

Today has been sweet. Going to work soon. I received an email from my Aunt with questions about Jesus so we are hanging on Saturday. God is just laying so much grace on me. Im stoked to see how that goes and I'm pumped for Saturday period. It looks very promising!